


The Candle To Guide Me

by Tia_Gem



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Hux is Not Nice, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Other, People are assholes to Kylo but for good reason, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Sad Mama Leia, Slow Burn, eventually lol, kylo is a dark rain cloud and rey is his ray of sunshine, may be smut later, much later, snoke is a liar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-03-05 10:50:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tia_Gem/pseuds/Tia_Gem
Summary: Kylo Ren is no longer the Supreme Leader of the First Order and seeks asylum with the Resistance, but he'll have to prove himself first.----Post-TLJ Reylo, point of view tends to change to tell different sides of the story, is probably badly written since I don't have any beta readers and I'm rusty.Also with snippets of Poe/Finn because I'm still a dirty gay shipper. And Mama Leia because my heart aches for her.





	1. Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> I edited it because I realized I had posted instead of drafting- oops!
> 
> Also, don't worry about the rape bit, it won't be mentioned until much later and it'll just be a flashback, and it's pretty much situational.

Kylo frowned as he stared at the jungle beneath him. Akiva was a very hot, rainy place and he never cared for that kind of climate, but he would suffer through it. The tiny remains of the Resistance had holed up here, in an old temple-turned-outpost for the late Rebellion. He could feel how close he was, his connection with Rey twanging harshly against his heart.

He hadn’t spoken to her since the battle on the _Supremacy_. She had closed herself off from the bond, he knew it was intentional because every time he felt the familiar deafening of his surroundings, he could not see her, hear her, feel her even as desperately as he needed to. He was slowly learning to control the bond, reaching out to her through the thin string of the Force he could feel connecting them. Every time he was hit with a brick wall of mental blocks, which told him she was practicing her control as well.

He scowled as he hit the monitor on his tiny escape pod. It beeped feebly, telling him that he was almost out of fuel. Not wanting to admit defeat yet, he continued to scour the jungle for a hint of the Resistance hidden in the foliage. It wasn’t until his craft proceeded to undergo an automatic emergency landing that he finally conceded and continued his search on foot.

He had no belongings, just his saber and the clothes on his back. Leaving the shuttle behind was easy, he didn’t plan to return for it. But he had to destroy the evidence. So he ignited his saber and slashed it to bits. Admittedly, it was harder to do when he wasn’t seething with misplaced rage. After he was sure it was unrecognizable and untraceable, he started to wander the jungle, blindly following the tiny strand of the bond he still shared with Rey.

It didn’t take long for Kylo to get sweaty. The jungle was so thick with heat and humidity that he could cut the air. Trekking through the dense brush, swatting bugs and scaring off native animals with angry slashes and jabs, he found himself, though still tethered to the end of the bond, very lost. He wasn’t afraid, though, not even as hunger and exhaustion gnawed at him, nor as darkness fell and the predators grew bolder.

The first night was sleepless, chasing Rey’s Force signature, attacking and being attacked by wild cats and running into a herd of huge hippo-like creatures that wallowed in a drinking hole.

By the next day, Kylo felt ready to collapse. He decided against his better judgement to rest, sitting on a fallen log to regain his strength to continue. He was extremely thirsty; his lips and mouth were dry despite his constant sweating. His pride finally gave out and he stripped himself of his heavy black jacket, exposing a thin black undershirt nearly soaked through. He tossed the ridiculous thing into the brush and continued.

That second night was much harder. He felt extremely weak from dehydration and hunger, and tapping into the Dark Side wasn’t helping. If anything, it was making things worse. He stumbled around, dragging his feet and having to pause often to try and get his bearings. He felt delirious and black spots dotted his already limited vision. He didn’t notice the sun rising, or the root his foot caught on.

He toppled to the leafy ground. It smelled wet and rich and warm. He couldn’t catch his breath and everything burned. Sleep tugged on him, grabbing him by the shoulders, calling his name. It was a sweet sound and he welcomed it. He blearily glanced up and saw beautiful hazel eyes and concern. Was that his grandmother, come to take him to the netherworld? He hoped so. He clung to her as he finally passed out.

========

 

Rey always got up before dawn. It was a habit learned from fifteen years of scavenging. The earlier you got started, the more you could do before the heat set it. Unfortunately, on Akiva the heat lingered far into the night and even into the early morning on humid days. She hated the humidity, it was sluggish and thick, and it made everything stick to her skin uncomfortably.

The jungle, however, was beautiful. The green surrounded her on all sides and it made her feel safe. She made it a personal mission of hers to collect all sorts of different leaves and flowers, pressing them between old flat scrap metal sheets to dry them out and preserve their color. This morning, Rey was looking for a type of plant Leia had told her about. It was carnivorous, eating bugs and small mammals and even other plants instead of using the sun for food. She’d learned so much about plants in the last few weeks they’d settled here.

She always kept a radio on her and told Finn when she went into the jungle alone. He was so worried about her, never letting her out of his sight. The closest thing to a brother she’d ever had.

Unlike Kylo kriffing Ren.

After the battle on Crait, and they saw each other through the bond one last time, Rey closed him off. He would use her to find the rest of the Resistance and kill them all, these last few stragglers that managed to cling to life. But she was also not ready to face him after rejecting him. She was still sure that he had good in him, that he could be turned. His last words to her proved it, as did the look in his eyes as she closed the door to the Falcon.

It was just a matter of finding a way to Ben.

Her head full of thoughts of Kylo, Rey wandered the jungle nearby the outpost in the early morning light. She saw a group of tiny lemurs clamber away in panic from a particularly violently moving fern. She reached for her quarterstaff, ready to defend herself from a predator or worse.

Instead, Kylo Ren collapsed to her feet.

Rey gasped and backed off reflexively. Was she seeing him through the bond? She couldn’t be, she’d put a wall up a long time ago. He groaned, breathing heavy even as he was passing out. On pure instinct, Rey fell to her knees and rolled him onto his back. “Kylo! Kylo, it’s me! Ben!” she called.

He could barely lift his eyelids enough to meet her eyes, and when he did he smiled faintly and went completely limp. Rey felt her heart sink to her stomach. She grabbed her radio.

“Finn, I need help!”

=======

 

When Kylo came to, he was acutely aware of how sore he was, and how dry his mouth was. He couldn’t move his tongue very well and it felt like he’d eaten sand. Swallowing was agony. Opening his eyes was worse.

The light was blinding, and he instinctively reached up to shield his eyes, but his hand was stopped at a few inches. Why couldn’t he move his hand? His head pounded and his heart sped up in frustration and he tugged on his hand again. There was a distinct metal clink as he did so. He finally glanced down and saw his hand was chained to the bed. He was in a bed.

Immediately he tried to sit up and failed, his stomach muscles cramping. His lungs burned and he felt like he couldn’t breathe again. Somehow, a word left his malfunctioning mouth.

“Water.”

He coughed and struggled to say it again, and a cup was brought to his lips and water poured gently into his mouth. He swallowed and coughed harder, his stomach revolting. He spat all over himself on accident, not able to hold back the hacking.

The hand giving him water retreated and there was the sound of a door opening. “Good, you’re awake,” said an all-too-familiar voice.

“Barely,” he croaked. He closed his eyes, the light was making his head ache.

“Ben. We have questions.”

Kylo frowned. “Don’t call me that.”

Leia sighed. “We won’t interrogate you until you’re recovered-“

“Where is Rey? I want to see her.” He couldn’t hide the coughing fit triggered.

“She might not want to see you.”

“I want to see her.”

Kylo could sense Leia’s sigh before it came. “I will ask her if she will come.” Kylo offered no thanks, and the nurse tried to get him to drink water again.

========

 

It seemed to be an eternity before the door opened again. Kylo knew it was Rey before she spoke, her Force presence even stronger than his mother’s. “What are you doing here?” she asked, and Kylo took a minute to formulate a response. Thinking was so much harder when he was starving and exhausted.

“I seek refuge,” he finally managed. Rey’s suspicion spiked through the bond, even with her walls.

“Refuge from who?” she demanded. Kylo took a deep breath, and cleared his throat to chase away a coughing fit.

“Armitage Hux and the First Order,” he whispered in a gravelly voice.

Rey scoffed and rolled her eyes, and he opened his and tried to look at her, but his head weighed a million pounds and everything hurt. “You defected?”

“I escaped persecution. Hux led a mutiny and removed me from my position.” His throat was on fire, he wanted water again. He tried to reach for it with the Force, but Rey beat him to it and tilted the cup to his mouth.

“You are impossibly foolish, Ben Solo.”

Kylo didn’t argue, just swallowed down the water. This must have concerned Rey, for she sighed at his lack of response. “Get some rest. I’ll see about getting you a cell with a bed.”

========

 

Within days, Kylo was moved to a crude cell with a bed and a pail for washing. He didn’t complain, he knew they had such limited resources and the members had little more than what he did.

He was escorted to his cell by the traitorous trooper, who took every pleasure in it. “If you lay one hand on any of them, I’ll-“

“Blast my head off?” Kylo finished bitterly. “I’m sure Rey and Organa would be pleased by that.”

The traitor jabbed him in the back with his blaster, which did little with Kylo’s strength returning. Now that he had eaten and had water in his system, he was able to move completely independently. “You don’t know anything about what would make them happy.”

“I know senseless death is not high on that list,” Kylo spat.

“Your death would not be senseless. I don’t kill things without purpose.”

“Of course not, that’s why you were the weakest.” That earned him another jab and the rest of the escort was silent.

Kylo remained complacent throughout his imprisonment. Rey didn’t visit him for the first week, but the traitor and the cocky pretty-boy pilot did. They were absolutely giddy to have Kylo behind bars, at their every mercy. The only reason they didn’t abuse or kill him was because Leia would have been angry. Sometimes a small engineer girl would tail behind them, terrified but pleased to see him subdued.

Once, Leia showed up, while she thought he was sleeping. She simply watched, and he could feel her pain and regret. And so much sadness. “You need to cut your hair,” she whispered as she left, and Kylo scowled.

After two weeks he began to get impatient. “Where is Rey? I want to see her,” he demanded as FN-2187 walked by his cell to taunt him again.

“Busy getting the Resistance back on its feet with General Organa. You’ll see her when she wants you to,” the traitor growled. Kylo glared at him. “If it were up to me, you would never see her again. As it is, I still won’t let you hurt her.”

“I do not want to hurt her. I want…” But what Kylo wanted, he couldn’t say. The former trooper snorted.

“Right. I’ll believe that when Chewie grows wings.”

========

 

Rey did finally show up to talk to Kylo. When she approached, he was doing pushups, trying to keep himself from going insane from the boredom. He was shirtless and sweaty from rigorous exercise, and when he looked up, Rey was standing on the other side of the bars and looking uncomfortable as she avoided looking directly at him.

“Finally.” Kylo stood up.

“Put something on. Please.” Rey’s voice was far too even, schooled almost. Kylo fought a smirk.

“No. It’s hot in here.” He noticed Rey’s cheek darken before she minutely shook her head and sighed.

“At least pretend to have some decency,” she grumbled.

“Why did you block me off?” Kylo said immediately. Rey looked at his face, considering her words, but he already knew from her eyes.

“I couldn’t lead you to my friends,” she lied through her teeth. Kylo sighed, almost disappointed.

“You did anyway. All I had to do was follow our bond. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that while you were with Skywalker.”

“Probably because Snoke was controlling you,” Rey muttered, but she didn’t try to act like she hadn’t said anything. Kylo felt a stab in his gut at the name. “The others are very suspicious of you.”

“I would be concerned if they weren’t,” Kylo said, sitting on his cot.

“Why did you come here?” Rey asked again.

“I told you, I sought refu- “

“No. Why are you _here?”_ She stared him down. “Why to the Resistance? Why not just go hide in the Outer Rim?”

Kylo considered his words very carefully. “I have information for you, in exchange for a room without bars and perhaps something to do.”

Rey frowned. “I don’t even believe your original story.”

“You should. Hux is dangerous and power-hungry. He will hunt the Resistance down and all sympathizers until there is only the First Order. He overthrew me and had every intention of killing me had I not escaped.”

Their eyes met. Rey’s flashed. “Where’s the ship you came here in?”

“I don’t know. I wandered around out there for two or three days, and I destroyed it before I left it so they couldn’t track me. I don’t want any of them coming for me.” He left the “or you” out of the statement but it hung in the air like the humidity.

A long uncomfortable silence filled the cell, and Kylo tried again to touch Rey’s mind, perhaps find some form of comfort, but all he found was a solid wall.

“I will inform Leia that you have information for us,” Rey finally said quietly. She left then, and Kylo let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I'm finally free to ship my 3rd Trilogy OTP (fool me once, George Lucas, fool me once), I can finally be a nerd and write my own happy-ish ending! I plan on making this a story written in a collection because I am garbage and I love that trope.  
> Leave a kudos or a comment if you liked it! Thank you!


	2. Compromise

Considering that Leia and Poe were truly the only ones in the Resistance who had enough leadership to have any say-so, meeting Kylo’s demands would be tricky. Leia was sure her son was gone, Rey knew, that only a shell of a monster remained. And Poe had hated Kylo since the beginning of all of it.

Rey was sure that Ben was still in there, though. Kylo Ren would have brought the First Order to their front doorstep the moment he discovered it. He would not have wandered the jungle for days trying to avoid being tracked. He would not have let himself be taken prisoner, nor would he have been so patient to have not tried to kill Finn or Poe purely from their taunting. Rey couldn’t explain or understand it, but something was different about Ben.

She sighed as she again listened to Poe blatantly refuse to give Kylo a crumb more of their resources. Leia however was softer and more willing to listen.

“Perhaps the information he’s offering is useful to us. I’m not sure about releasing him from his cell, but perhaps we can find something for him to do…” Leia mused, more to herself than anyone else.

“Absolutely not!” Poe defied. “He’s a dangerous murderer and a manipulator! If you give him an inch, he’ll take a mile. I can’t agree to any of his demands, it’s not feasible.”

Rey felt something in her twinge when Poe called Kylo a manipulator. “He may be a murderer but he’s not a manipulator. He’s no Snoke,” she defended. “In any case, if he truly wanted to hurt anyone, don’t you think he would’ve done it by now? You know how strong he is. It wouldn’t be hard for him to slaughter every last one of us even from his cell.”

Poe frowned. “Rey, you have too much faith in him.”

“I’ve seen in his mind. It’s not a nice place, yes, but it’s not completely Dark,” Rey argued. “There is good in him. I’ve seen it. In his eyes, in the things he doesn’t do.”

Leia’s face had gotten solemn. “How did you? See his mind?”

Rey’s face faultered. She hadn’t told anyone about the bond. It didn’t seem like something to share, even with the people she considered family. They worried about her enough as it was. “When he tried to invade mine, back on Starkiller, I pushed back and accidentally broke into his,” she explained. It wasn’t a lie, at least. Leia didn’t look convinced but Rey offered nothing else.

“I wouldn’t care if you mind-screwed him and found out he thinks about puppies and kittens to get through the day, I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him,” Poe said stiffly.

“Well, I do.” Rey was resolute. Poe’s jaded eyes couldn’t see past the things Kylo had done. Yes, they were terrible. He killed his own father, for kriff’s sake. But if Vader had been brought back to the Light, so could Ben Solo.

Leia stood up slowly. “I think we may be able to compromise. Do you think he would give us any information for some outside time?”

Poe gaped at her, but Rey nodded. “He’s close to climbing the walls in there, he’ll be desperate for any kind of change by now, I’m sure of it.”

========

 

Rey was correct in her assessment of Kylo. It seemed he was always doing some kind of work-out routine. He couldn’t practice with his saber, since it was stashed far away. He could surely sense it but he made no effort to get it back.

“Would you like to go outside?” Rey asked him one day, when Poe had finally conceded. Kylo’s head snapped up.

“You would let me go outside?” he almost whispered in disbelief.

“Well, you’d be in chains and have guards and all that but you’d be out in the sun and be able to do something other than pushups,” Rey shrugged.

Kylo’s lips tilted up at the ends. “You don’t enjoy watching me busy myself with my shirt off?”

A dark pink decorated Rey’s face. “You shouldn’t be so comfortable with people seeing so much of your skin…” she mumbled. Kylo shrugged.

“I used to walk around shirtless a lot on the Finalizer until it started attracting too much attention from the staff,” he smirked. Rey had a sudden image in her head of Kylo walking around after training, shirtless and sweaty with a gaggle of prostitutes from Jakku following behind him and giggling. It made her angry to think about other people seeing so much of him so casually.

Kylo noticed the darkened look. “I can put a shirt on if it really bothers you that much.” That snapped Rey out of it.

“You would?” That was the kind of emotional leverage he would have never passed up the first time they met, but now he was offering to cover himself. For her. Because it bothered her.

“Of course, it would mean my shirts would stink and be soaked all the time, but yes.” Kylo shrugged and slid on the prisoner shirt that was a size too small for him. It looked like it was made of burlap, and Rey knew exactly how comfortable that was.

“Perhaps I can convince someone to find you some decent clothes. Something not so suffocating?” she offered.

Kylo snorted. “Is that a reward for putting my shirt on?”

Rey shrugged. “Maybe.” Kylo stared at her, and his mouth turned up in a smile. He gave a low grumble of a chuckle, and Rey felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. “And if you behave yourself outside, I’ll talk to Finn and Poe about their harassment.”

“I can handle myself when it concerns those two morons,” Kylo sighed. Rey frowned at the name-calling but didn’t say anything; they’d surely said worse to him, and him to their faces.

“I bet it would be nice to not be teased like an animal in a zoo though,” she responded.

“It’s a little late for that,” Kylo motioned to the bars. “I’m already caged like a dangerous beast.”

========

 

Kylo felt his temper flare when he saw the pilot and the traitor with chains for him. He restrained himself though and merely rolled his eyes as they made sure he was leashed. As they escorted him to the exit, they pulled hard at his chains, making them rub unpleasantly against him and chaff. It irked him that they enjoyed tormenting him.

“So, are you two a thing? Because I never see you apart except when you’re on duty,” he snarked, hoping to hit a nerve or two. It earned him a hard tug from the traitor.

“Shuddup,” he grumbled, his face dark. The pilot said nothing, he merely looked anywhere else. Kylo smirked.

“I’m sure a big rebel pilot could show a tiny traitorous trooper a thing or two. Or perhaps you could show him whatever you would experiment with in the barracks when you thought no one was look-hing!” His last word was staggered by the former trooper yanking rather hard, almost causing Kylo to lose his balance.

“Shut up or I’ll shoot,” the dark-skinned man snarled, showing his blaster. Kylo nodded and fell silent for a moment.

“You know, I bet they still have the footage on the Finalizer.” He couldn’t help himself.

As the traitor turned around and threatened him again, the pilot grabbed his arm to stop him. Kylo almost cackled at how easy it was to push that one’s buttons. The pilot’s face was as red as a sunset.

“Stop, it’s enough, okay? Let’s just get this bastard to Leia.”

Kylo’s enjoyment disappeared with that name. Would Rey not be there? He wanted to see her in a forest again, only this time without her shooting at him in terror. He sullenly followed the two, disappointed.

The light hit his eyes as they walked outside and Kylo tried to shield them, but his hands were chained steadfast to his waist and he couldn’t lift them past his chest. The smell of rain hit him full force, and the cries of birds. He unintentionally smiled at the change in scenery.

Leia was sitting on a boulder, watching the sky. The clouds were not far away, dumping rain on the jungle. There was no thunder, and a light breeze; it was sprinkling slightly like a mist.

The two brought Kylo to her. Leia smiled softly. “He can sit, he’s not going to hurt me by sitting down.”

“Actually I’d rather stand, if that is all right.” Kylo noticed the two ‘guards’ glancing at each other. “I spend most of my time sitting, it’s nice to stretch my legs without pacing a hole on my floor,” he added for good measure.

“Alright then.” Leia’s smile was genuine and sweet, and Kylo thought he might be sick. He didn’t want this. He wanted to sit out here with Rey and banter. He had nothing to say to Leia Organa.

“Where is Rey?” he asked. Leia chuckled.

“You always seem to want her. She’s meditating right now. She told me she wanted to continue honing what she knows about the Force. She’s got ideas, that one.”

Kylo frowned a bit. “I could teach her,” he grumbled, more to himself that anyone else. He heard one of the ‘guards’ snort.

“That would be kind of you, but I doubt she wants to learn the Dark Side of the Force,” Leia said, glancing at the two behind them in a scolding manner. Kylo nodded, she had already spurned his offer twice. He looked at the clouds.

“These don’t make many shapes,” he mused softly.

“Perhaps you’re not looking broadly enough,” Leia suggested.

========

 

They went back inside when the rain approached. Kylo was soaking with perspiration, he hated this humidity. Leia noticed.

“We might be able to find you thinner shirts if those are bothering you,” she smiled. Kylo looked at her incredulously.

“Rey had already said she would…” he mumbled.

He felt the traitor bristle at his words. Had she not told anyone?

“With her being so busy, she must have forgotten.” Leia cast a look at the two and smiled. “It was good to see you, Ben.”

“Please, do not call me that,” Kylo asked. “Kylo works fine, or ‘you’ if that doesn’t suit you.”

Leia’s face grew sad but she kept her smile. “Have a good evening. Kylo.”

He decided he didn’t want her to call him that after all. It sounded odd and foreign in her voice, like it pained her to say it. Kylo didn’t say a word on the way back to his cell. Frankly, he wanted to lay down and strip. He was chaffed from the chains and sweat and overly hot.

Maybe for a little more information, he could sit outside without chains?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very tired so any problems I will fix tomorrow, good night!


	3. Nightmare

_The blackness surrounded her on all sides, cold and unforgiving. It engulfed her, stealing her breath and heartbeat. Somewhere in the distance she heard screams and crying, an entire world of suffering within the blackness. It was so cold it burned and she felt like she would never be happy again, until she saw the light._

_It was a pinprick on white, far away but warm and inviting. A tiny ray of warmth reached out for her, and she stretched out her hands, tearing them from the grip of the black oppression. A voice echoed softly from it but she couldn’t make out the words. It grew louder and more desperate and finally she made out a word._

_‘Rey…’_

_Her breath caught in her throat. She pulled out of the blackness with effort, it clung to her like a small child. “I’m coming!” she called back to the light._

_‘I’m drowning…’ the voice was male, deep with fear and quivering. She chased it, running to the light, sprinting as fast as her legs could take her. ‘Help me… please…’_

_“I’m almost there! I’m coming!” Tears prickled in her eyes, she had to get to him, she had to save his Light…_

_The screams grew louder, more distinct. The sound of a mother sobbing as a baby cried weakly echoed through the nothingness. The sound of an unstable lightsaber crackled loudly. A man yelled out to his son is desperation._

_The Light was so close, she could feel its warmth on her fingertips. The agony of the faceless people in despair rose in volume, crashing around her like a symphony of pain. Above it all, a single voice rang out._

_‘Help me! Please!’_

========

 

Rey woke with a start, sitting up and gasping for air. She was soaked in a cold sweat, her heart hammering in her chest. Something was wrong. That wasn’t her dream, that was nothing she’d ever seen before. Something pulled at her soul, something in the Force. A disturbance that was very familiar.

“Kylo.” She immediately got out of bed and bolted to the holding cells. Something was terribly wrong with Kylo.

She slid to a halt when she saw Poe and two men she didn’t recognize standing at the cell door, all aiming their blasters surely at Kylo. “No!” she called out. “Don’t hurt him!”

“Get back!” Poe shouted. “It’s dangerous, he’s… he’s having some sort of fit!”

Rey ignored him and ran up the to bars. Kylo was laying in bed, flailing about as if in pain. The cot he slept on was shaking. The wash pail levitated briefly and launched at the bars, splashing Rey with the water inside. It clattered to the ground and Kylo shouted, tears falling from the corners of his closed eyes.

“Let me in!” she gasped. She was soaked and panicking slightly. He looked like he was in agony.

“I can’t do that, he might attack you!” Poe responded harshly. Rey whipped around with anger in her eyes.

“Poe, let me in there right now!” she demanded. They shared a hard glare before Poe reluctantly gave her his key to the door. She fumbled with the lock for a moment and rushed inside once the lock came undone.

She stood over Kylo’s thrashing body for a brief moment, considering how to help. “Kylo. Kylo, stop, it’s me…” she tried. It did nothing and Rey cursed herself. She didn’t know what she was doing when she grabbed Kylo by the shoulders. He struggled against her grip, crying out in panic. “Ben! It’s me! It’s Rey, it’s okay! I’m here!” she said loudly, trying to break through whatever he was seeing in his night terror.

He panted in his sleep, but he slowly stopped trying to squirm out of her hands. He sobbed hard. Rey moved her hands to each side of his head and held it steady. “It’s okay, I’m here. I won’t hurt you. I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

Kylo hiccupped and held onto her wrists, trying to ground himself even in his sleep. She could feel his terror, his pain, even with her blocks. It made her heart ache to feel anyone with this kind of pain in his soul. She sat next to him and held his head to her chest, petting his hair. She felt his arms snake around her waist and his chest heaved with broken sobs. Her heart sagged at the sound.

Poe approached the cell, still aiming his blaster at Kylo. Rey frowned. “Turn that thing off, he’s fine. He was panicking is all,” she said softly, not wanting to upset Kylo any further.

“Sure. ‘Fine’. If that word could describe him at all,” one of the guards grumbled. Rey glared hard at him.

“He’s fine if I say he is,” she snapped. “He had a night terror, he was asleep and not in control of his actions.”

There was something unreadable on Poe’s face. “Well, he’s not screaming anymore, so I guess we’re done here?” said the second guard.

“Go ahead, go back to your posts. I can handle it from here,” Rey said dismissively. She got comfortable, resting her back against the wall and stretching her legs out straight in front of her. Kylo still clung to her, allowing his head to sink between her stomach and the crook of his arm. He was stopping the sobs slowly, his breath evening out as he drifted back to sleep.

Poe nodded at the guards and brought a chair forward, sitting on it backwards with his legs hanging off either side and his arms folding on the back of it. Rey looked at him. “I said I can handle it. Go back to bed, I’ll be fine,” she said.

“I’m not leaving you alone with him,” Poe said matter-of-factly.

Rey scowled. “He’s asleep, he won’t hurt me.”

“He can always wake up.”

“And then? Do you think he’ll kill me the moment he opens his eyes?”

They stared at each other, frowning. Poe sighed. “You have too much hope for him. You can’t fix him, he’s not a machine that needs oil.”

“No. He’s a man who needs help,” Rey huffed. She stroked Kylo’s thick black curls softly, soothing him back to what she hoped was a dreamless sleep.

“I’m not even sure he’s a man,” Poe grumbled. Rey glared.

“Will you stop that? You act as if he was born this way,” she snapped.

“How do you know he wasn’t?”

“Because if he was, there wouldn’t be Light inside him.”

Poe scoffed. “And how do you know that?”

Rey paused and looked at Kylo. “Poe, look at him. Does this seem like a ruthless murderer?”

“All I see is a trap,” Poe frowned. Rey sighed.

“Well, I’m staying until he doesn’t need me anymore,” she said defiantly.

========

 

Kylo woke slowly, not wanting to open his eyes right away. His pillow was warm and soft, and it smelled like grass and earth.  It took a while, but he found the motivation to sit up and stretch. His back popped and he groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with a yawn. He heard someone shift. Opening his eyes, he was surprised to find the door to his cell was open and the pilot was staring at him with his blaster on. Kylo frowned, “What are you doing here?”

“Keeping you from hurting her,” Dameron grumbled. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all. Kylo couldn’t say he pitied him.

“Hurting who…?” he asked. He looked to the side and jumped when he saw Rey sleeping, propped up against the wall. He realized he’d been laying in her lap and blushed. His heart jumped into his throat, and he scooted away from her to avoid her touch. Dameron raised an eyebrow in confusion. Kylo frowned at him and got up carefully, not wanting to wake Rey. He saw the empty, dented pail on the floor across his cell from where he usually kept it and picked it up. “What happened last night?”

“You… Rey said you were having a nightmare but it looked like you were possessed. Screaming and stuff,” Dameron answered. Kylo’s frown deepened; he never remembered his night terrors, only the fear and hopelessness once he awoke from them. He didn’t feel that this morning, in fact he felt safer than usual.

He shook his head at himself and put the pail in the corner where it belonged. “I need some privacy,” he said. Dameron scowled but didn’t move. Kylo rolled his eyes. “Turn around, at least.”

“Why should I?” Dameron growled. Kylo raised an eyebrow and unzipped. The pilot seemed to take the message and closed the door without locking it before walking so he was out of sight.

Kylo took the opportunity to relieve himself. He took off his shirt and smelled it, grimacing. He hated the smell of sweat, on the Finalizer he washed his clothes as often as possible to keep them from stinking. He made an involuntary noise of disgust.

“We can get you some clean clothes,” said Rey from behind him. He jumped and made sure he was zipped up before turning to look at her. Her hair was a mess and made her look more tired than she probably was.

“I’ll be fine, they’re just clothes,” Kylo said. Rey smiled softly and got up.

“Where’s Poe?”

“He’s around the corner, I’m sure.”

“Why?”

“There are some things about me he doesn’t need to know.”

Rey giggled gently. “I suppose so.” She looked at the bucket and sighed. “I’ll have someone get you some fresh water, maybe fix the pail.”

“What did I do to it?” Kylo asked. Rey bit her lip.

“You… used the Force to throw it,” she said. “You had a bad nightmare. Poe thought you were having some sort of fit. Do you have those kinds of dreams often?”

Kylo nodded. “They happened every night when the Supreme Leader was alive. It’s been a while since I’ve had one that severe though.”

Rey looked at the ground, then started to leave. “Why do you still block me?” Kylo asked. She paused for a long moment, not facing him.

“I’m not ready yet,” she mumbled finally. Kylo’s heart twisted and he felt his breath leave him as she closed the door behind her and left to get ready for her day.

The next morning, there was a fresh outfit folded neatly next to his bed when he woke up.


	4. Observation

Finn noticed the change in Rey as time went on. She visited Ren more and more often, until it became commonplace to see her sitting outside his cell talking to him. She smiled more, had a bounce in her step he’d never seen before. She let her hair down more, only in one bun instead of the normal three. He knew it shouldn’t have unnerved him as much as it did, and he would’ve shook it off if Rose hadn’t said anything.

“She’s really happy, you know? I wonder what happened,” Rose commented one day as Rey helped her fix the piping in the old ship port.

What really bothered Finn was that Ren had a similar change. He was a lot quieter, he didn’t get angry very often. In fact, his temper was very much in check. He would smile whenever he saw Rey. Red flags flew through Finn’s mind.

“What’s your end game, huh?” he growled at Ren one day after Rey had left. The knight looked at Finn with distaste.

“What do you mean?” he asked, and it was so innocent and genuine Finn thought he might throw up.

“Don’t play stupid. You have some plan. You think that if you get Rey to like you that the rest of us will. Well, it ain’t working,” Finn ground out.

Ren raised his eyebrows. “Incredible. You figured it out. My plan is ruined, whatever will I do?” he replied sarcastically. He stood, and he towered over Finn even behind bars. “I don’t expect anyone to like me. I’m a monster. You shouldn’t question things your tiny mind can’t wrap around, you might hurt yourself.”

Ah, there was the temper. It was sad that it was almost comforting when Ren was angry.

“Well, you’re doing something to Rey and I’m gonna stop it,” Finn spat. Ren growled and walked to the far corner of the cell.

“How can I do anything to her? I’m in here constantly!”

“You- you’re getting into her head with the Force! Making her act weird!”

“I’m not _making_ Rey do anything. She’s a free woman and does what she likes, when she likes. Unlike me, she can leave without being bound in chains.” Ren was seething but was fighting it. “As her so-called friend, I’d think you understood that.”

“Then why does she come around every day when she used to only come around every once in a while?” Finn snapped, his anger also rising.

“Has it ever come to mind that maybe she just genuinely enjoys talking with me?” Ren snapped.

“Why would she enjoy spending time with you?”

Ren seemed to be silenced by that. Finn had hit a nerve. He felt immense satisfaction in that.

========

 

Leia had put Finn in charge of security. Poe had too much to do, she was sending him to do a lot of work she normally did but was just too tired to do anymore. Finn took this seriously, considering their one prisoner and the ten people they had trained for security work. He covered Ren as often as possible to prevent spreading his men too thin.

This, of course, meant listening in on Rey and Ren’s conversations. He was shocked to find that they seemed to only talk about mundane things. Rey didn’t seem to have that glazed look that he’d seen in Ren’s victims as he penetrated their minds. She just smiled and talked about her life on Jakku, the flowers she found outside on a reconnaissance trip into the surrounding jungle, how well her scavenger skills came into play here as they tried to get the base up and running again.

Ren was surprisingly open about himself. He didn’t spill everything like Rey did, but he did offer some things. He talked about places he’d visited, leaving out the people he slaughtered while there. He knew quite a lot about smuggling and where to find the best spots for the really good loot on a ship and in a base like this. He’d snickered when Rey compared him to her scavenging once. “No, I’m just a petty scoundrel’s son.”

Rey went soft when he said that. “And I’m nobody, but here we are.”

One day, Rey asked Ren for a story. Finn had almost scoffed, surely he didn’t have any stories she’d want to hear.

“What do you mean? A story from my life? You don’t want to hear those.”

“Maybe one from your childhood.”

It had never occurred to Finn that Ren had been a child. He tried to imagine it, a tiny child with cold eyes wearing all black. It was so absurd it was comical.

Ren conceded. “Alright… Once, long ago- “

“No, Kylo, I didn’t mean that kind of story!” Rey was giggling, apparently he teased her like that a lot.

“You wanted a story from my childhood, you didn’t specify what story,” he shot back, and Finn could hear the smile in his voice. “May I continue?”

“Sure,” Rey smiled.

“Once, long ago, people were perfect. They had two minds, two hearts, and one soul. But the gods were jealous. So they took every person and split them in two. Souls aren’t easily split though, and so every single soul connected the two halves with a red string, and every now and then, sometimes two people will follow their strings to each other and their happiness is restored.”

Finn was quiet, as was Rey. “That’s a lovely one. Who told you that?”

“Orga- I mean, my mother.”

Rey laughed softly, humorlessly. “It was my favorite, until I grew up and I realized some hard truths,” Ren continued heavily. He almost sounded sad.

“I don’t see why it can’t be your favorite still.” Rey was soft, and Finn could feel how sad she was.

“We’re not children anymore.”

“Does that mean we need to throw away what we used to love?”

There was a long silence. Finn wondered what they were saying without words. Rey finally continued, “I know, I know. ‘Let the past die, kill it if you must.’ The past doesn’t go away, Kylo Ren, no matter how much it hurts or you try to ignore it. It’s there, and it made you who you are now.”

“The past gives us nothing, there’s no reason to hold on.”

There was another silence, and then a smacking sound, and Ren cried out softly. “What was that for?”

“Does it matter? It was in the past.” Rey sounded so smug. Finn almost laughed.

“Yes, it matters, that hurt!” Ren snapped. Rey snorted.

“Well of course it hurts. But you can pretend like it didn’t happen or you can learn from it.” There was the sound of metal scraping on concrete and Rey laugh shortly. “See?”

“Well maybe if you stop slapping me!” Ren sounded annoyed, but Rey didn’t even seem nervous.

“What? You need some sense smacked into you.”

Ren grumbled. Finn actually did laugh, just a little. He was beginning to feel better about Rey’s behavior.

========

 

“Poe? Do you ever wonder if Rey’s right?” Finn asked.

“Hmm? Right about what?” Poe was half asleep on his bunk, they slept in the same room with their cots pushed close together for safety. It would be easier to fight off an attack if they were back-to-back, and it had absolutely nothing to do with how warm Poe was or how he made Finn feel safer than a blaster under his pillow.

“About… Kylo Ren.”

Poe sat up and stared at Finn. “What, that the monster has good in him?” He sounded exasperated.

“I’m just saying, he’s not exactly running around Force-choking people anymore.. and.. you know, people aren’t always what they seem. I mean, look at me.” Finn looked at Poe, trying to ignore the fact that the pilot was shirtless. “Look at what I was trained to be my whole life.”

“Finn, did he get into your head?” Poe asked. Finn, laughed until he realized Poe was serious.

“No. I’d know if he was in there, and he’s not. That’s what I mean.” Finn sat next to Poe. “if he was really all that bad, he would’ve gotten into my head, made me let him go. I’m not exactly the strongest as far as mental exercises go. I tried to meditate with Rey once and it was a total flop.”

Poe shook his head. “You know the guy. You worked for him. You watched him murder people, including his own father, and you want to think he’s good now? Because he and Rey have chats every day?” He scoffed. “That’s not how it works, buddy.”

“She hit him today. He didn’t retaliate. He didn’t even yell at her,” Finn said.

“Why would she hit him?”

“She said something about how the past doesn’t matter and she had to smack sense into him. I dunno, it sounded like she was continuing a conversation they’ve been having for a lot time.” Finn shrugged. “But he didn’t hit her back or anything, he just got all hurt about it.”

Poe frowned. “That doesn’t mean anything, maybe she just caught him off guard.”

Finn sighed. “Maybe…”

“Look, don’t worry about it. It’s really between Leia and Rey whether or not he’s actually changed. Plus, he gave us information we still can’t fact-check because the power here is so low.”

A hand found its way to Finn’s shoulder, and the former stormtrooper shrugged it off. “Yeah, guess you’re right… It was a dumb thought anyway.” He went to his cot and took off his jacket, folding it up and placing it under his pillow for comfort. “Night.”

“Night…” Poe got settled but Finn knew neither of them would sleep for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, something from Finn's perspective!
> 
> Don't you just love it when you write out a really good chapter, but you know it's not going to happen for another few chapters so the ones you're writing now to fill the space feel like awful filler episodes? Boy diggity, that's my favorite feeling!


	5. Illness

The girl, Rose, caught the fever first. She brushed it off as a cough in the beginning, a build-up of phlegm in her lungs that would go away in time, not a big deal. She didn’t admit to feeling unwell until her temperature soared, and her cough got worse. She was put on bedrest when she couldn’t hold down more than a few sips of water, having lost her voice almost completely.

It spread like wildfire from there, and within a week half of the Resistance was ill, weak and unable to work. The sick were quarantined but it did little to help. Kylo, isolated in his cell, was spared from the fever. He figured FN-2187 must have fallen ill, because Dameron watched over his cell now. Rey was annoyed by how close Dameron hovered compared to FN-2187.

“I’ve been here every day, he’s not going to murder me if you blink,” she snapped. She coughed when Dameron backed off.

“Are you feeling all right?” Kylo asked her. Rey swallowed and nodded.

“I’m fine. It’s just a sore throat,” she dismissed, her voice rough. Kylo looked at her with a tinge of concern but didn’t push it.

The next day Rey didn’t come to visit, or the day after that.

Kylo didn’t allow himself to get concerned until he felt Rey through the bond a few days later. She still wasn’t letting Kylo in, and he had grown to accept this; she’d open up when she was ready, whenever that was, and he’d just have to be patient.

It had been a week since she last visited. Kylo was struck with a sudden pain in his chest and phantom lightheadedness. He knew it wasn’t his, it was too detached from his body. It had been Rey, and it scared him. Panic flooded his senses as he understood; she couldn’t breathe.

“Rey!” He ran to the bars and started shaking them. Dameron heard that and approached the bars.

“Get back,” he growled.

“I need to get to Rey!” Kylo yelled. He shook the bars again.

“Finally decided to drop the act?” Dameron smirked. Kylo snarled.

“Something’s wrong! I need to get to her, let me out!”

“What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with her.”

Kylo grabbed Dameron’s collar and pulled him to the bars. “Listen to me. She needs me right now. Don’t question this, it’s important!”

Dameron raised his blaster, ready to shoot. “Get off me!” He would have fired, if the woman hadn’t showed up, out of breath and scared.

“Commander! It’s Rey! She isn’t breathing!” she gasped. Dameron looked at her, then at Kylo. Something unrecognizable flashed in his eyes, and he unlocked Kylo’s cell.

Kylo wasted no time in running to the med bay. It was full of sick coughing people, some throwing up into buckets, others shivering under their blankets. Kylo only had eyes for the collection of people in masks surrounding a figure on the ground. “Rey! Get out of my way!” he demanded, going straight to her.

She wasn’t breathing, her skin pale and sweaty. Kylo could feel her quick pulse in her chest, and her consciousness slipping away. “What happened?” he snapped at the nearest nurse.

“She was coughing hard, and she sat up to catch her breath… she just collapsed!” the woman said nervously. Kylo swore under his breath. He started compressions on her chest with his hands, counting aloud. When he reached ten he pinched her nose and hesitated for half a moment before sealing his mouth over hers and blowing his breath into her. It only took two rounds of this to bring her back.

Rey gasped loudly, the air rattling her lungs, and she hacked so hard Kylo was sure she’d spit up blood. Luckily she didn’t and once her coughing stopped, she leaned on him, panting hard and wheezing. Kylo rubbed her back soothingly. Rey looked at him with misty eyes and fainted, landing in his arms.

She was still breathing though.

========

 

Kylo insisted on staying with Rey, so the medics gave him a medical mask and told him to not touch his face at all. He didn’t fight with them, as long as Rey was alive he didn’t care what rules they had. Dameron watched closely from the door, also wearing a mask and gloves to protect himself.

He wasn’t really sure how it happened. The girl in the cot next to Rey’s was coughing terribly, unable to stop. Kylo found himself offering her some water to soothe her throat, and resting his hand on her back to steady her while she finally caught her breath. The girl, like Rey, had a terrible wheeze and was sweating with a high fever.

The man a few cots down had a fever dream, a horrible one by the sounds of it. He screamed and threw punches at nothing, babbling incoherently. Kylo helped restrain him, holding him down with his hands instead of the Force until the dream passed and the man was relaxed again.

When the first victim died, a young man not even fully an adult, Kylo felt it. He even tried to resuscitate the boy, but to no avail. He forced himself to ignore the pain in his heart, telling himself that there was nothing he could have done. He levitated the body out of the med bay so the medics wouldn’t have to expose themselves any further.

The conditions were barbaric, and Kylo was shocked more people weren’t dying. The medics were exhausted and there were no medical droids to assist, they had been destroyed by the First Order during the failed attempt to destroy the Resistance. Despite this, some people were actually recovering. Kylo noted that the Rose girl was up and about, but was still coughing and feverish. FN-2187 was also able to sit up without assistance, and a few more people were able to walk again. A couple of them thanked Kylo as he passed out water and made sure people were breathing.

Kylo convinced himself that it was for Rey. If he helped the medics, then they could help Rey get better faster. And Rey was recovering faster than the others, but Kylo wondered if the Force didn’t have a hand in it.

One day, after giving water to people and doing rounds, Kylo found Rey’s bed empty. He felt horror drop into his stomach and reached out for her through the bond. He found her walls, weak but holding, and relief filled his chest. He went up to Dameron.

“Where did Rey go?” he asked.

“She went outside to get some fresh air,” Dameron said, aloof. Kylo frowned.

“Take me to her.”

========

 

Rey was standing outside, protected from the rain by the overhang. It was a downpour, so heavy that the trees ten meters away were grey silhouettes, but the rain did nothing to curb the heat. Despite that, Rey shivered under the blanket she’d wrapped herself in.

Kylo knocked on the wall behind her to alert her he was there. He stood beside her, careful not to touch her. She glanced at him. “They’re letting you go?” she croaked.

“No, Dameron is at the door,” Kylo said. “FN-2187 is recovering so he’s in a decent mood.”

“F-N… who?”

“The defected stormtrooper.”

“Oh Finn. I’m glad, he wasn’t doing so well for a while…” Rey coughed into the blanket and shuddered. Kylo looked at her, concerned.

“You should go back inside, your fever is still high,” he suggested. Rey waved him off.

“I’m fine. I want to watch the rain,” she muttered, clearing her throat.

“You are not fine, you were barely able to get up on your own yesterday,” Kylo argued. Rey shrugged.

“I’m busy. Besides It’s easier to breathe out here. It’s not so dusty,” she said. Kylo sighed. Rey was quiet for a bit.  “Did Evan die last night?” she whispered in a rasp.

Kylo nodded. “If you mean the teenaged boy, yes. He died in his sleep.” He tried not to think about it.

“I’ve heard you’re growing soft,” Rey teased. Kylo frowned.

“I am not! If I take over some of the medic duties, then they can focus on you more,” he said. Rey laughed shortly, it ended in a coughing fit.

“So you don’t feel good when someone thanks you or when you get someone to breathe again?” she pointed out. Kylo scowled.

“No. I don’t.”

“Of course not.”

They stood in silence until Rey swayed, weakness taking her over again. Kylo carefully directed her back to her bed, making sure not to touch her anywhere but her shoulders.

========

 

The fever ran its course. By the end of it, six were dead. Kylo had no qualms about assisting in the funerals. He levitated the bodies into the graves so no one would be exposed again, and when Leia was finished with her speech and everyone dispersed, he buried the bodies with a few others.

He saw Rey go behind him and place a flower at the head of each mound. Something stirred in his chest. Their eyes met and Rey blushed. Kylo went back to work before anyone could say anything.


	6. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!

It seemed, at least, that Dameron had finally conceded to reason. Kylo was fine with being used as a laborer, at least it got him moving and out of that maddening cell. He noticed that despite his repressed demeanor, many people were still very wary of him, which he decided was a good thing. If people got too comfortable around him, he wasn't sure what he would do. He was used to being an intimidating figure, used to staff shrinking away from his towering and imposing stride.

  
Kylo would be released in the mornings and used to do various and tedious tasks around the base. Everything from sanitation to heavy lifting, he was put to work with at least two guards watching him at all times, usually FN-2187 and Dameron but occasionally it was a pair of strangers. Then at nightfall he'd be escorted back to his cell. He was given two restroom breaks and a meal break. It didn't happen every day, sometimes he'd go a week without work and Kylo realized how antsy he was getting.

  
Rey had apparently made a stipulation that Kylo be fed a meal in the main mess hall on these days, sitting next to her. It was Kylo's favorite part of this whole affair. They'd chat, he'd get her to laugh. He noticed she didn't eat much, only a fruit or a bit of her portions. She often gave her food away to a curly-haired girl that couldn't have been more than sixteen.

  
"She needs it more than I do," Rey shrugged when inquired. "I'm used to going hungry."

  
Kylo started sharing his portions with Rey, just to ensure she ate something.

  
He lost count of the days, he knew several months had gone by since his arrival on Akiva but the exact time was lost to him. Not that he minded. He was allowed to shave the stubble from his face every other week, though he suspected that was Rey's doing as she seemed to prefer his shaven face.

  
Kylo felt an immense satisfaction and a bit of pride when he and the little engineer girl connected the now clean power cores in the underground tunnels to the rest of the base, finally giving them proper electricity and allowing them to store the tiny emergency generators they'd been using up until this point. Rose laughed and went to high-five Kylo, but stopped when she remembered who he was. She cleared her throat nervously and wiped her hand on her shirt.

  
He pretended that the awkward interaction didn't happen, and he could tell that Rose was thankful for it.

  
Instead of being escorted back to his cell, Kylo was taken to what he assumed was a control room. Leia and Rey was sitting at a table, talking quietly between themselves. Dameron looked annoyed, leaning against a wall and huffing with his arms crossed. FN-2187 was sitting by Rey. Kylo looked at them all with suspicion, not sure what to expect.

  
"Ah, good. Kylo, please have a seat. C'ai, Brexton, you're dismissed," Leia said with a soft smile. Kylo turned to watch his guards walk out reluctantly, and sat in a chair.  
"What is this?" he asked. He mentally reached out to Rey, meeting her walls. By this point, it was a comfort and he would take it over nothing at all. Dameron made a derisive noise and faced away from Kylo.

  
"We wanted to thank you for all of your help in getting this base up and running," Leia said slowly.

  
"As if I had a choice," Kylo grumbled. FN-2187 rolled his eyes but miraculously kept his mouth shut.

  
Rey looked almost sheepish at it, though. "Yes, well, you still deserve a reward. Poor Rose was having panic attacks over all the work she would have done if you weren't here."

  
Kylo felt a burst of affection towards Rey, she was so compassionate all the time. He quickly tamped it down and kept his face neutral.

  
"So, what, do I get an extra muffin with my breakfast? A shower, maybe?" he snarked instead.

  
Leia and Rey exchanged glances, and the traitor hung his head. "We were thinking more along the lines of a proper room. You've earned my trust at least, and as long as you continue to earn your keep, I have no problems letting you roam the base freely," Leia smiled.

  
Kylo felt his chest twist. He genuinely didn't expect this, he fully thought he'd spend the rest of his life in prison, either by the Resistance or the First Order. "You... what?"

  
"You're released!" Rey said brightly. "You can come and go as you please, provided you don't run back to the First Order of course."

  
"Not likely, with Hux after my head," Kylo mumbled to himself. He looked at Dameron, who scowled and snorted.

  
========

  
The news of Kylo's release spread like wildfire through the base. it was met with plenty of complaints, fear, and anger. Leia had had to make a proper announcement and a warning that any hazing towards him would be meant with the same intolerance as if it were any of them. Kylo expected no less.

  
There were still restrictions. He wasn't allowed to have his lightsaber, and Dameron had no doubt asked his security team to keep a close eye on him. FN-2187 certainly shadowed Kylo as closely as he could.

  
Rey was over the moon about it, though. "I don't think it'll take very long for everyone to realize you've changed," she grinned at dinner.

  
"I haven't changed at all, Rey. I'm just not keen on being beheaded with my own saber by some scrawny ginger nerf-herder," Kylo corrected, though there was no conviction in his tone. Rey was steadfast in her opinions, however, and continued to talk about possible jobs he could take that would get him seen as trustworthy. They settled on a fighter mechanic, as Kylo would have no problem finding plenty of solitary work in that area.

  
She showed Kylo to his room after dinner. He was in a single, it wasn't much bigger than the cell he'd been held in but at least if he felt too claustrophobic he could walk out. In fact, going outside without being bound in chains was something he was greatly looking forward to.

  
"I'm just down the corridor, I room with Rose and Kaydel," Rey said with a smile. "If you do show up, try not to scare them."

  
"I'll do my best," Kylo said quietly.

  
Rey shuffled her feet for a moment, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. "I was wondering if... well, if perhaps... I don't need a teacher, per se, but maybe someone to... practice with?" 

  
Kylo stared at her for a long moment. "You want me to help you?"

  
"It wouldn't be every day, I only meditate before bed really, but it would really help to have someone else doing my exercises with me. Finn and Poe, they're great but they're not Force-sensitive, and Rose is too jittery, she can't stay still long enough," Rey said quickly.

  
"Rey, I... of course. It would be an... honor," Kylo said. He could feel the warmth blooming in his cheeks, mirroring Rey's pink face.

  
"Um. Good, okay. I'll let you know when I have time?" she said softly.

  
Kylo nodded. He let her start to leave before he found the courage to ask the question he'd been burning to ask. "Does this mean you'll let me in again?"

  
Rey paused at the door, considering the question. "I... I'm thinking about it." She walked away, though she didn't seem to want to.

  
Kylo considered that a victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've had a seriously hectic and stressful year and I'm sorry for taking so long to continue this. Long story short, I've been fired from my job, moved across the country, and my father has been diagnosed with stage four cancer so I've had very little time to work on this story. I don't know how long I'll have this reprieve from the cosmic roadside freak show that is my life but please enjoy it while you can.
> 
> Also, sorry if this chapter is lacking in content, I'm trying to get back into my groove.


	7. Ghosts

Kylo woke up suddenly from a dreamless sleep. He was bathed in a pale blue light, and for an instant he didn't recognize his surroundings. The rickety cot beneath him and the stone walls reminded him that he was no longer on the _Finalizer_ , or the _Supremacy_ , or even in the cell he'd called home for the last few months. He blinked as his eyes met the source of the light in his room, and as it registered he felt his stomach sink to his feet.

Luke Skywalker was standing beside Kylo's bed. He was nearly transparent, an incorporeal blue hue surrounding him. "Hello Ben," he said with that twinkle in his eye that Kylo had found so irritating.

On instinct, Kylo reached for his saber. His hand met only the air, and he was forced to remember that it was in the armory, in lockdown. He scowled at Luke, who looked sad and a tad ashamed. "Go away," he seethed.

"And here I thought you'd been humbled at least a bit," Luke sighed. Kylo stood up and even as a ghost, Luke was nearly a head shorter. Still, he held himself steady, staring Kylo in the eyes.

"I have nothing to say to you," Kylo spat, pushing past him. He started to get dressed, back to Luke. He needed to get out of this tiny room, needed to go for a walk outside.

"I imagine not. You probably have plenty to say to Rey, though," Luke said in a knowing tone. Kylo paused and cast a glare over his shoulder at his uncle.

"That's none of your business," he growled venomously. "And you don't have the right to talk about her."

Luke rolled his eyes. "No, of course not, it's not as if she's your only friend or the girl you think about every night."

If looks could kill, Luke would have been dead thrice over. Kylo wanted nothing more than to Force-strangle the spectre before him. "That's private," he snarled. The smirk Luke gave him only enraged him more and he threw down the shirt he was holding. "What do you _want_?" he demanded.

"Ben, you know better than to ask me a question and expect a direct answer," Luke said smugly. Kylo growled. He put on a shirt and left the room, slamming the door behind himself to hopefully let out some aggression.

He went out into the dark jungle nearby, picking up a fallen branch. He itched to hit something, slash down a tree or two, maybe even destroy one of the moss-covered boulders that surrounded the area. He stalked around for a bit before letting his anger get the better of him and smashing the branch against a tree trunk.

The noise of wood shattering startled a few birds, and Kylo followed them with his eyes. He sighed and threw down the splintered wood still in his hand. Being around Rey and her friends had made him hyper-aware of his temper and he hated it. It reminded him of the insecurities that Snoke would use to stoke his internal fire. It also made him control his anger, something he had no practice in as he'd been taught since he was a teenager to give in to his aggression and follow it blindly.

With a snarl of discontent, Kylo sat on a rock and put his head in his hands, fingers tangling in his sweaty curls. Even in the earliest hours of the morning, the jungle was humid and misty. His shirt clung to his chest and stomach uncomfortably, frustrating him further. In a fit, he tugged it off and threw it to the ground angrily.

"What was the point of getting dressed if you're just gonna strip when it gets a little hot?" came Luke's voice. Kylo groaned aloud.

"Leave me alone already!" He was very close to stealing his saber from the armory and just slashing everything he saw to bits. He looked up and was met with Luke sitting across from him.

"You can always ignore me. You did it for years," Luke suggested. Kylo scoffed and scrubbed his face with his hands roughly. He was sorely disappointed when he opened his eyes and Luke was still there.

"I hate you," he spat with as much poison as he could muster. He truly did, too. He'd never hated anything as much as he hated Luke Skywalker in this moment. The ghostly Jedi simply shrugged.

"Did you think that it would be easy? I told you I'd always be with you, and I don't plan on failing you again."

Kylo scoffed and chucked a stone at Luke, feeling his temper spike when it merely phased through his chest and clattered some feet away. "No one _plans_ failure," he grumbled bitterly.

"No, but you can learn from it, use it to make better plans. My failure was in not keeping an open mind," Luke admitted. "I have regrets, and so does your father, in not being someone that you could count on. I should've been the person you could go to with your problems and instead I made you think I was your enemy."

Kylo said nothing, only threw another, smaller stone at Luke, aiming for his face this time. It flew through his jaw under his ear. It was somewhat cathartic, if Kylo was honest with himself.

Luke sighed and shook his head. "I never was a very good listener, I guess. And you suffered for it, Snoke took advantage of it, and now the peace is gone and the only one I blamed was myself." He blinked as another pebble passed through his shoulder. "You'll come around, in time. You didn't become Kylo Ren overnight."

Kylo's only response was a stone right through Luke's nose as the ghost disappated.

He didn't return to the base until the grey light of dawn reminded him that time still moved. Dameron drilled him for answers as to why he'd run off into the jungle in the middle of the night, which Kylo rebuffed as aloofly as he could. He'd just calmed himself down, he didn't need to get riled up again by a pretty-boy pilot.

Rey greeted him warmly at breakfast, and he fell into the routine of breaking his stale biscuit in half and giving her the bigger part. He noticed the odd look Rose gave from across the table and looked down at her own meager porridge. "Here, take mine. I'm not hungry," he said, pushing his bowl between the two girls.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked him, more curious than malicious. "I mean, you look tired."

Kylo shrugged. "Getting used to the quarters," he mumbled.

"Oh. Yeah, I get that, it took forever to get used to sleeping without my sister. She used to snore really loudly and Rey and Kay don't make any noise at all," Rose said, her motormouth taking over. Kylo was grateful for it, it took the attention off of him for a while.

Later, though, Rey found Kylo under an X-wing, ripping out wires to replace the dry-rot. "Is everything alright with you?" she asked.

"Yeah. Make yourself useful and hand me a converter," Kylo deflected, pointing at a box of scraps. Rey did so but wouldn't let go, making him look at her face.

"Ben, you can tell me if something is wrong," she said softly.

Kylo hated how honest and open she appeared. It made him want to spill all his woes, his entire heart to her, but that was dangerous. And if she knew the full extent of the darkness inside him, she'd run away from him at lightspeed.

"Nothing's wrong," he insisted, tugging the converter out of her hand and going back under the engine.

"Poe told me you were outside this morning before sunrise," Rey said. "If you're regretting coming here, I can talk to Leia, maybe make things a little more accommodating-"

"General Organa has already risked enough on my behalf," Kylo interrupted, pulling out and staring at Rey. "And I don't regret leaving the First Order. There was nothing left for me there, anyway. As far as this morning, I never left the perimeter of the base and I am perfectly free to take walks whenever I please."

Rey frowned. "Well, I'm sorry for being concerned for you," she grumbled.

"I don't know why you bother, I'm a monster, remember?" Kylo huffed, going back once more to the X-wing that needed his attention. "No one in their right mind would care about a creature in a mask."

He sighed at himself when he heard Rey walk away without even a goodbye. Unable to focus on the task before him, Kylo crawled out from under the X-wing one last time and tossed his grease rag away from him, frustrated with his own behavior. Maybe at dinner, he'd make it up to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support, everyone! I'm happy to get back into writing again, and maybe the next few chapters will be plot related for once.


	8. An Ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, a plot!

With power restored to the base, Leia was finally able to send out a signal to the Outer Rim, letting any allies know that the Resistance was still very much alive. Of course, the effect was not immediate. It was a week before they received any response, most likely from how tightly the First Order's fist was around the galaxy with Hux at the head of it.

Poe woke Finn up suddenly, early before the sun had even risen. "C'mon, Leia wants us in the control room," he said urgently. Finn was dressed in record time, right behind Poe as they ran down the old corridors.

Rey walked in just as Poe and Finn did. "Do you know what's going on?" Finn asked her.

"No, I came down to talk to Leia," she admitted. "Is something wrong?" Finn shrugged and let Rey in the room first.

Leia looked exhausted and a little weak. Her hair was in a simple braid down her back and she was still in her nightclothes. Even while sitting, she had to cling to her cane. "Oh good, Rey. I was about to send for you," she said with a sigh of relief.

"I was on my way to see you and River told me you were in here," Rey replied.

The relief on Leia's face was replaced with a somber look. "We'll talk in a moment," she said. "Poe, Finn, I need you two with me in front of the hangar in an hour. We're expecting a group of X and A-wing fighters to arrive after dawn, and possibly a cruiser."

Finn felt like the world was lifted from his shoulders, and he shared a grin with Poe. "Wait, seriously? We got a reply?" the pilot said.

"Yes, now get some people around to clear out the hangar in preparation," Leia nodded, giving them a smile. "You'll both be with me to greet our new benefactor. He wants to meet our leadership in person, it's one of his conditions."

She shooed them off, and Finn thought he caught a bit of hers and Rey's conversation. Something to do with Luke Skywalker, but he couldn't be sure. He asked Poe about it, and he had no idea either.

=========

Getting Ren up was not much of a problem, as he didn't appear to have been sleeping anyway. Finn wondered if it had to do with the Force, as Rey had been up too, but didn't think too much on it as even though Rey had explained it to him, he still couldn't quite grasp the concept.

"C'mon, we're getting new ships in two hours," he told Ren. "Go meet Poe in the hangar for instructions."

Ren didn't look too pleased but he didn't argue either. "Fine, let me change into something I can work in," he said, shooing Finn out of his room.

Finn was rather surprised when he returned to the hangar with a few more able-bodied people to find Ren present and actually helping Poe move one of the fighters to an area that was recently cleared away. He briefly wondered how they managed to work together without fighting. Maybe it had to do with the urgency, or the fact that Ren seemed to have gotten on Rey's nerves a few days ago and had since been utterly obedient.

By first light, the hangar was clear and Finn and Poe were changing into decently cleaned clothes. One of the girls, River, had discovered a natural waterfall and pool less than a mile away from the base and since then the entire Resistance had been using it for everything from a place to wash clothes and collect drinking water to a swimming pool.

"Wear the jacket, you're head of security not a Councilman," Poe advised as Finn fought with himself.

"Yeah, but this guy has enough money to give us half a fleet, I wanna make a good impression, you know?" Finn argued as he put the jacket on for the third time.

"Just drag him into a closet and lie about doing the right thing," Poe chuckled, getting a laugh out of Finn. "Besides, it's probably just to make sure we're the real deal, yeah? I don't think anyone expects the Resistance to be spiffy clean all the time. Especially not in these conditions."

Finn nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's just a leftover habit, I guess. In the First Order, we keep everything sterile and clean our suits every day. You guys don't even have soap."

Poe laughed and patted Finn on the shoulder, and the former trooper decidedly did not feel a swooping in his stomach from the casual contact. It wasn't like Poe was probably the most handsome man Finn had ever met and was so kind to him despite where he came from. Finn pushed the thoughts from his mind, he couldn't focus on any of that right now.

Right on schedule, Kaydel alerted everyone that a group of spacecraft was approaching the base. Poe and Finn stood behind Leia and Rey as they opened the hangar doors and walked outside. Finn noticed that Rey had Ren's lightsaber clipped to her belt.

A cruiser about three times the size of the Falcon was landing on the opposite side of the clearing, and it was flanked by about twenty fighters. All of the craft were steely white, reminding Finn of the First Order. His guard was immediately up, reaching for his blaster as a precaution.

The cruiser opened its boarding platform. A group of militia marched out, wearing grey uniforms and carrying their own blasters. Behind them was a tall yet young man with a shocking mop of red hair. He seemed very easy going, wearing a dark vest over a grey sweater and slacks meant for comfort. He looked like Hux if the man switched personalities with Poe.

"General Organa?" the man said as he walked up to the greeting party. He was nearly as tall as Ren and had a kind smile on his face. He offered his hand to Leia for a handshake.

"To whom do I owe this pleasure?" Leia asked, taking his head and shaking it. The man bowed and kissed her knuckles as a sign of respect.

"Brendol Hux the Second," he said.

Finn's mouth dropped for a moment. He glanced at Poe, who looked simultaneously confused and pissed.

"Hux? Like, from the First Order?" Poe asked, voicing everyone's thoughts. Finn felt his finger settle on the trigger of his blaster. In the corner of his eye, he saw Rey reach subtly for the lightsaber on her belt.

Brendol raised his hands to try to diffuse the sudden tension. "Armitage is my half brother. We obviously don't share the same political views," he explained. "Uh, if you'll allow me to explain indoors, it looks like it's about to rain."

"It always looks like that," Leia said. Brendol nodded and motioned to his number one to direct the fighters into the hangar and assess the base. Finn was reluctant but Leia didn't see a reason not to hear this man out.

"You must be Rey," Brendol said to Rey as they walked inside to the control room. "I've heard so much about you, you know."

"From who?" Rey asked. She looked startled by the idea that people knew who she was, which Finn understood. He'd gone from a number in a system to a war hero in less than a week and he was still dealing with the repercussions.

"From everyone. Talk is one of the most readily available currencies in the galaxy," Brendol smiled. "Is it true, then? That you are Kylo Ren's greatest enemy?"

Rey blinked, shocked. "Greatest enemy? I'm just a nobody from Jakku, I'm not even a Jedi."

"That's not what the rumor mill says," Brendol said.

Once in the control room, Brendol explained himself more thoroughly. "I was raised by nannies and my mother, my father barely knew I existed. When I was six, Mum sent me away to a boarding school offplanet so he'd had nothing to do with me. The same couldn't be said about my brother," he said. "Armitage's mother couldn't afford to send him away so he ended up under our father's thumb and ultimately in the First Order. He's older than I am, but I was the legitimate heir, so when dear old Dad died, I got his fortune."

"So you've just been sitting on some Inner planet while all this has been going on?" Poe asked, sounding skeptical.

"I've been trying to help in small parts. If Dad found out what I've been doing with his money, he'd come back from the grave just to strangle me," Brendol said. "As it is, it's impossible to commission X and A-wings nowadays without attracting the First Order's attention. From what I've heard, my brother's becoming more and more... unhinged, ever since Kylo Ren escaped execution. He's gotten paranoid and my own house has been searched twice by stormtroopers in the past month. That's why I didn't get here any sooner. He thinks I'm on vacation. The galaxy has gotten extremely volatile since the Hosnian system was destroyed."

"I didn't expect any less," Leia said with a sigh. "We owe you so much for this."

Brendol shrugged and brushed it off. "Nah, you don't owe me a single credit. It's the right thing to do. I hate the First Order and I hope this helps you guys rip it to shreds."

Poe smirked a little. "Well, we appreciate the help, really."

"There must be something we can do for you," Rey said, rather insistent. Finn chuckled under his breath at Rey's kindness.

Brendol smiled at Rey. "It's less of repayment and more of a favor, but there's been a rumor in some corners of the Outer Rim that Kylo Ren was captured by you. Is it true?"

Rey opened and closed her mouth twice, fighting with herself as to answer honestly or not. "I mean... I wouldn't call it a capture..." she said slowly.

"If we did, what does it mean to you?" Poe said, getting Brendol's attention.

The almost tired smile on the ginger's face said more than a thousand words. "I wanna meet him."

========

Ren was under the X-wing he'd been working on for the past few days. It needed a lot of work, they all did but Ren seemed to hyper-focus on this particular one. He must not have heard anybody approach, either so engrossed in what he was doing or just thinking too much to notice his surroundings, because he didn't acknowledge when Finn and Poe brought Brendol to him.

"Incredible, I can't believe you've managed to survive in this place for so long," Brendol said, looking around the hangar.

"Yeah, it's been a struggle," Poe admitted. He kicked the side of the fighter to get Ren's attention.

There was a thud as he jumped, and a string of curses as Ren backed out from his work space. "What the hell, Dameron? I'm trying to get this thing up in the air again," he grumbled, rubbing a spot on his hairline.

"Got a visitor for you," Poe said. Ren looked up and the annoyance on his face disappeared. He sat up, wiping the grease off his hands with a filthy rag.

Brendol offered a smile. "This is the great Kylo Ren? The Jedi Killer?" he asked Finn. "You're pulling my leg, mate."

"Just Kylo, right now," Ren said, standing up. He didn't seem as intimidating in a greasy grey tunic and brown pants, hair a mess and traces of a mustache on his face. If Finn didn't know better, he'd say that Ren was just another member of the Resistance. If Ren was to run back to the First Order, he'd probably have to give some sort of identification to prove who he was. He suddenly understood Brendol's shock.

The ginger just smirked and offered his hand. "Well then, it's nice to meet you, Kylo." Ren looked down at the hand, then stared Brendol in the eyes for a good ten seconds before shaking it. Brendol grinned. "It's good to know that we've got two Force-users on our side," he said.

"I'm not on anyone's side but my own," Ren said. "And right now, this is where I need to be." Brendol's smile didn't falter but he nodded his understanding anyway.

"Then we're lucky you need it. Let's hope that luck doesn't run out," he chuckled. Ren's mouth ticked up in a shadow of a smile.

========

Brendol decided to stay for a few days to help get the Resistance back on their feet. He gave Leia a few assets, though they tended to be unsavory. "War creates strange bedfellows," he'd said when asked how he knew these people. "Some of us do our part in the sidelines."

He left after Leia got in contact with one of his arms dealers, saying he needed to be home with his wife.

Finn led Brendol's security detail back to his shuttle. "You'll be available in case we need you again, right?" he asked. Brendol smiled and nodded.

"General Organa and I will keep in contact, don't worry," he said. "I've got ears all over the galaxy, too, so anything that she doesn't tell me I'll find out about anyway. And the missus will keep on me about it too."

Finn nodded and watched Brendol boarding his craft, making sure the shuttle was out of the atmosphere before going back to the base. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one is so long and plot-heavy, and more OCs are to be added in later chapters. The main focus will be Rey and Ben still, though. 
> 
> I've had a million things on my mind and this is helping me focus, which is why I'm posting every day right now. 
> 
> Thank you for your support, and thank you for your patience with my unpredictable ass.


	9. Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we return to your regularly scheduled plotless garbage.

Rey had forgiven Kylo not long after their spat, but she was much colder than he had grown used to. He wasn't sure what to make of her sudden cold shoulder, but he knew better than to pry. So when she told him to meet her for training, he was surprised and pleased that at least he hadn't ruined that avenue completely.

They met outside, in a clearing just in eyesight of the base. Rey was holding her quarterstaff, and Kylo realized that she was looking for a physical spar. He was eager, sparring was one of his favorite exercises.

"Grab a stick, I guess," Rey said, motioning to the forest around them. Kylo nodded and found a decently straight branch. He felt it in his hands, picking bits of bark off with his thumbnails. "Do you know what you're doing with that thing?" she asked, a small smirk playing on her face.

"Of course I do. Different weapon, same principle," Kylo said. To convince her, he spun the branch in his hands and around his head. It was maybe a bit flashy, but it got the point across, and it helped Kylo get a feel for the wood. He saw Rey smile and felt something in his stomach flutter. It was the first time she'd truly smiled at him in days and he missed that so much.

He let her make the first move, blocking her swings. She was a lot more graceful with a staff than she was when they'd fought the first time with sabers. He almost wished she'd had her staff then, so they would have been more evenly matched.

Of course, once Kylo got into a rhythm, he was able to make a few offensive swings back. Rey blocked them with ease, and for a while, the only sound from them was grunts of power as they lunged and pulled back. Kylo used the Force to judge where Rey would and wouldn't be and tried to avoid her blocks. He swung at her flank, nearly hitting her. Luckily, she jumped away from his branch and used her staff to ram it into the ground.

Kylo panted, smiling slightly at her. Rey looked like a vision, tan skin glowing in the late afternoon light as the sun peeked out from between the clouds. Her eyes were bright and fiery, betraying her darker tendencies despite how Light she was. A few locks of hair fell out from her buns, the soft breeze blowing them out of her face.

Even through her mental walls, he could feel her confusion. "Why'd you stop?" she asked. Kylo was jerked from his stupor, and he realized that he'd been staring for more than a few seconds.

"Oh, uh. Sun's in my eyes," he lied. He stood up straight and used his branch as a support. She didn't believe him, but she didn't push it, thank the Makers.

They continued the sparring. Kylo would point out little things for Rey, falling into a teaching role despite himself. "You need to focus on the staff and me, at the same time," he said, a bit breathless. "I know it's not easy, but it'll help once you have a lightsaber again."

"What makes you think I'll get another lightsaber?" Rey asked, lunging at Kylo with such force that he felt the branch crack somewhere.

"You have Skywalker's old saber, don't you? You can make a new one with the crystal inside," he said, following her movements. "I'll show you, if you want. I made mine, after all."

"I'm good, thanks," Rey dismissed. Kylo felt a pang of disappointment, he wanted to show her everything he knew, but she didn't want it so his hands were tied.

The sun was setting when they took a break. Rey took a swig of water from a canteen she'd brought with her. She offered it to Kylo, who gladly took a drink. The humidity was working against them, sapping their strength and making them overly hot, and Kylo could feel the dehydration setting in.

Rey sat on a boulder, legs crossed, and watched the way the sun filtered through the trees, bathing them in golden light. Kylo stayed standing, watching Rey.

"Saberstaffs are a thing," he offered after a moment. He wiped the sweat from his brow. "It's not exactly the Jedi way to have a unique weapon, but you're not exactly a Jedi. And you seem to know your way around a staff more than a sword."

"Kylo, I understand that you just want to help, but this is something I have to do myself," Rey said with a sigh, taking another drink of water. "I need to find answers, and I need to do it alone."

"If you were meant to do it all alone, then we wouldn't be connected like we are," Kylo pointed out. Rey fell silent.

The last golden orange rays of the sun dissipated as evening fell on them. Night creatures started calling in the jungle, and Kylo looked out into the darkening world around them. "We should probably go in for the night," he suggested. "Dameron will kill me if he finds out we were by ourselves out here."

"Poe can deal, I can handle myself," Rey said with a wry smile. Kylo agreed silently and followed her into the base, leaving his branch on a wall for the next match.

========

Training became a regular thing for them. Every two or three days, Rey would tell Kylo at breakfast when she'd have time, and he'd meet her later outside. Sometimes they would meditate, but usually they would spar. It felt great to fight, to use his muscles how he'd built them to be used.

Of course, it helped that Rey was absolutely ethereal, especially in the late afternoon light they so often practiced in. Every time they fought, Kylo felt giddy inside. She was fierce and stronger than one would assume. She'd broken two branches Kylo used before convincing Dameron and FN-2187 to let him have a proper practice weapon.

As they practiced, Kylo got a real idea of how to work with Rey. In the throne room, he'd gotten a taste, but sparring with her was much different. They worked together, pushing and pulling, getting closer both physically and emotionally. He trusted Rey entirely, to the point where he didn't even flinch when she bested him and held her staff not even an inch from him.

They got so close that Kylo could tell Rey's constant mental walls on their bond was affecting her ability to focus on the Force. She still wasn't great at multitasking with the Force, but she was learning fast. "Take down your walls, so you can focus," Kylo suggested.

Rey frowned, backing away from him. "I'm not going to let you in just because we train together."

"You need to focus on other things than keeping me out of your head," Kylo explained. "At least until you have grasped the Force enough. I'll stay out, I won't intrude. But you're struggling, I want to help."

Rey rolled her eyes. "I've been struggling my entire life, I'm used to it." She knocked the stick out of his hands and kicked his feet out from under him, holding him down on his back with the end of her staff pressed into his chest. "And I'd say I'm doing pretty well for myself without your help."

Kylo looked up at Rey with utter adoration. His heart thudded, and not from the rigorous exercise of a spar. Some feeling passed on her face that he couldn't read. Had she felt what he did? She offered her hand, and Kylo was reminded of that moment that felt so long ago now. He took her hand and she hauled him to his feet.

Standing before her, only inches from her, Kylo felt an urge he'd never known before. She was beautiful, the rays of sunlight making her skin and hair shine like gold. There were flecks of orange in her hazel eyes, shimmering like stars. Her lips were parted slightly, and she looked at Kylo as if he was the entire galaxy.

In a moment of pure instinct, Kylo leaned down and nearly kissed Rey, if it weren't for the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him. Rey backed away immediately, and Kylo huffed in frustration. He whipped around to glare at whoever had interrupted them.

FN-2187 stood there, looking uncomfortable and urgent. "Are you two... um, done?" he asked.

Rey backed away even more and nodded. "Yeah." She walked past Kylo with an almost apologetic look. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Leia needs to see you both," Fn-2187 said. Kylo felt his blood run cold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, I've been busy.
> 
> Thank you for your support!


	10. Mission

Through the Force, Kylo kept a close eye on the people most important to him. His mother had been growing weaker, her recovery from the attack was stunted by the stress of keeping the Resistance alive. It was one of the reasons Kylo didn't fight with Dameron as much as he used to; if Dameron was taking over Leia's duties then she could recover properly.

Of course, it didn't mean he cared about her specifically, but if she died no one but Rey would want to keep him alive. Leia was the only thing keeping Dameron from giving Kylo to the First Order as a bartering chip. That was Kylo's reasoning, anyway.

Leia was exhausted all the time, but as Kylo watched from the doorway of the control room, he realized just how fragile she was. Her hair was grey, worry lines covered her face, some new and some only deepened from his memories. She didn't look to be in her fifties, nor did she look like the strong-willed, bold and true woman of Kylo's childhood. She'd been broken, both physically and emotionally.

"What's going on?" Rey asked as she sat by Leia. Kylo stayed by the door, leaning on a wall to appear less threatening.

"Finn is going on a recruitment mission, and I want you to go with him," Leia said matter-of-factly.

Kylo tried not to look disappointed. With Rey gone, he'd have no one to talk to or train with. He understood, though, of course. Rey was the poster-child of the Resistance, the Last Jedi. People would follow her the ends of the universe. if she said jump, the Resistance would ask how high.

Leia must have read his face, though. She raised her voice slightly. "Both of you," she added, looking at Kylo directly. Rey turned to look at him, then back to Leia.

"You'd let me offplanet?" Kylo asked, suspicious. There was no way Dameron or FN-2187 had agreed to that.

"Rey is the only one I trust with keeping you on a leash," Leia said. She gave Kylo a look he knew well from his youth, a look that warned him not to push his luck and to keep his mouth shut.

Rey looked confused, however. "Does Finn know?" she asked. Leia had a glint in her eye.

"He will. And don't worry about it, I've got it taken care of. You'll be taking the Falcon," she said. "I have it arranged with Chewie already."

Kylo looked at his feet. Chewie was going to slaughter him, he knew it. He'd be distinctly lacking arms by the time they got back to Akiva. Somehow, he'd managed to avoid Chewie this entire time, though he suspected that the Wookie was avoiding him as well.

"Fine, but I'll need my lightsaber," he said. He met Leia's eyes. "I need to be able to protect us if something happens. If the First Order is even more powerful than when I left, leaving me weaponless would be catastrophic."

Leia nodded, considering his words. She pursed her lips in the way she always did when she thought. "But you can use a blaster. I know you can, I taught you myself," she said.

Kylo grimaced. "A blaster," he scoffed. "That won't be of any use. Hux's stormtroopers are trained from birth to shoot first and ask questions never. And I might be strong, but not strong enough to fend off an entire battalion if we're caught. At least, not without my lightsaber."

A sudden image of himself standing down a thousand stormtroopers on all sides with his lightsaber sprung up in his mind, unbidden and clearly not his own. He glanced at Rey, who went pink in the face. It seemed like her mental walls were crumbling, though from her own permissions or sheer exhaustion he couldn't be sure and wouldn't risk losing her confidence by pressing in.

"All right. You'll get your lightsaber back," Leia sighed. "Don't make me regret this." She stared Kylo down. He shifted uncomfortably. The only people left in the galaxy that could make Kylo squirm were right in front of him. "And when you return, that thing goes right back into the armory," Leia added sternly.

"Of course, General," Kylo said, a little more sarcastically than he meant it to come out.

========

Rey had to retrieve his lightsaber. She said something about having done it before, which confused him. She handed it to him as they were getting the Falcon ready. "Don't screw this up," she warned.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," Kylo responded. He clipped the saber to his belt.

Chewbacca came around the corner and growled at Kylo to hurry up with the supplies. "I'm doing it, I'm doing it," Kylo grumbled, using the Force to levitate a box of rations into the ship. Rey helped him, and when they brushed hands a couple of times, Kylo ignored the way his stomach twisted for it.

"I just don't understand why we have to take him with us," Kylo heard FN-2187 complaining as he approached.

"Because Leia said so, and we're not gonna argue with her. Last time I ignored her, I got our entire bombing fleet destroyed and lost our chance to escape from the First Order," Dameron said.

The former stormtrooper sighed heavily. "Well, I don't have to like it," he grumbled.

"No, but you do have to follow orders. Just... just as many people as you can, alright? Don't worry about him, Rey'll cut him in half with his own lightsaber if she has to," Dameron said, lowering his voice so he thought no one could hear.

"Oh, I highly doubt she'll need to do that, I don't have any plans to bring attention to myself," Kylo interrupted. He leaned on the side of the Falcon. "In any case, I'd be careful about being seen together in public right now. Considering that poor girl that found you two in that closet," he taunted.

The traitor opened and closed his mouth like a fish, furious and embarrassed. Dameron himself turned scarlet.

"You don't know anything about that," he said, jabbing his finger at Kylo.

"Maybe not. But I do have ears, and Rey makes friends faster than I make enemies," Kylo snorted. "You don't have to trust me. I wouldn't trust me. But I do have a sense of self-preservation and Hux wants my head on a platter, so I'm not about to go making trouble for myself. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

The traitor rolled his eyes and went onboard the ship, wishing Dameron goodbye. The pilot waved at him. Kylo followed FN-2187's path until he saw Rey and watched her for a long moment. She was getting very good with the Force, levitating an entire pallet of supplies onboard by herself.

Kylo must have had a look on his face, because Dameron spoke up beside him. "Finn told me about yesterday, between you two," he said. "I don't approve, but I don't think Rey gives a damn what I think."

"And neither do I," Kylo said. "Don't try and give me advice, flyboy, I wasn't the one caught in a closet with another man."

"We didn't do anything! We were just... talking..." Dameron protested. "Look, I'm not Rey's father or brother or whatever, but she's a good friend and I'm just concerned for her. I mean, you are a murderer."

"You think I'd hurt her? She's the only reason I'm still alive. I'm not some senseless beast that kills whatever I see," Kylo sneered.

"No, but you have a shorter fuse than any explosive I've seen. And don't think I forgot about the way you can get into people's heads," Dameron said, extremely serious. "But if Rey is... if she regards you like this, then there must be something to like about you."

"Well, thank you for the compliment. Anything else you'd like to say before we leave?" Kylo snarked.

Poe nodded. "Yeah, bring them back in one piece. All of them," he said.

Kylo looked at Poe. He wasn't sure where this camaraderie was coming from, but he didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. "I will," he said.

With a shared nod, Kylo went onto the ship he'd hated his entire life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if I'd get this posted today, sorry if it's shit and rushed, it's mostly just fluff and a little more character development.
> 
> Next chapter will have more OCs and plot, just a warning if you don't care for it.
> 
> Thanks for all your support! Please leave your thoughts, your comments really keep me going!


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